Last week there was a blog-o-sphere outcry about an article in The Los Angeles Times by one Joel Stein entitled The Language of Wine Snobbery. I can hardly think of a less creative topic than once again whipping on the lingo of wine aficionados. How many writers over the years have heaped ridicule on the patois of wine enthusiasts and put it off as snobbery? Did we really need yet another? Wine, like every other thing worthy of developing passionate hobbyists, develops it’s own shorthand that often seems silly to the uninitiated. Stein was thoroughly, and correctly, pilloried by writers such as Tom Wark at Fermentation and Catie McIntyre Walker at Through The Walla Walla Grape Vine. I applaud their commentary, but personally  I found yet another tired rant about wine snobs not enough to rile me. Being a wine snob myself, I’ve just learned to live with it.

What struck me was this comment in the article, “I want to know that a Zinfandel, our greatest native grape, tastes like America: big, bold, unsubtle and ready to fight.” What I want to know is how someone that thinks zinfandel is a native American grape variety gets to write about wines in The Los Angeles Times? Anyone who pretends to know enough about wine to write about it in a major American newspaper should know that zinfandel vines, like all important wine grape varieties are Vitis vinifera vines that originated in Europe and Asia and were brought to the United States. I suppose what is even worse is that Stein not only did not know this basic fact, but failed even to take 30 seconds to check out Wikipedia, where it’s well documented. What’s sad for consumers is that someone like Stein can present themselves as “experts”, and then go on to mislead their readers, more concerned with being cute and controversial than accurate. I suppose we should expect no less from someone who finds the antics of Gary Vaynerchuck more meaningful than the encyclopedic knowledge and artful prose of Jancis Robinson. I don’t mean that as a criticism of Gary, who has helped many a novice learn to enjoy the pleasures of fine wine, but Stein, who is a professional, perhaps should reach for a higher standard.

The real guilty party in this case is The Los Angeles Times, which as one of the world’s great newspapers usually expects more knowledge from their writers. Can you imagine them sending someone to cover the Dodgers that did not know what a curve ball was? Apparently in this case they did exactly that.

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Update on Tuesday, June 24, 2008 at 2:32PM by Craig Camp

Now here’s some real tasting notes:

Monty Python’s Flying Circus -“Australian Table Wines” [ from the album Monty Python’s Previous record, 1972 ]

The Players:
    Eric Idle - Wine Expert;
The Scene:
    Soft introduction music plays …..

WINE EXPERT:
A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Australian table wines. This is a pity as many fine Australian wines appeal not only to the Australian palate but also to the cognoscenti of Great Britain.

Black Stump Bordeaux is rightly praised as a peppermint flavoured Burgundy, whilst a good Sydney Syrup can rank with any of the world’s best sugary wines.

Château Blue, too, has won many prizes; not least for its taste, and its lingering afterburn.

Old Smokey 1968 has been compared favourably to a Welsh claret, whilst the Australian Wino Society thoroughly recommends a 1970 Coq du Rod Laver, which, believe me, has a kick on it like a mule: eight bottles of this and you’re really finished. At the opening of the Sydney Bridge Club, they were fishing them out of the main sewers every half an hour.

Of the sparkling wines, the most famous is Perth Pink. This is a bottle with a message in, and the message is ‘beware’. This is not a wine for drinking, this is a wine for laying down and avoiding.

Another good fighting wine is Melbourne Old-and-Yellow, which is particularly heavy and should be used only for hand-to-hand combat.

Quite the reverse is true of Château Chunder, which is an appellation contrôlée, specially grown for those keen on regurgitation; a fine wine which really opens up the sluices at both ends.

Real emetic fans will also go for a Hobart Muddy, and a prize winning Cuivre Reserve Château Bottled Nuit San Wogga Wogga, which has a bouquet like an aborigine’s armpit.